Tuesday, June 2, 2026

To the Pseudogoths (content warning: corny as hell)

In a friend's basemeent in 2006? 2007? 2008?


I turn 32 today - which means I'm basically 40, which means I'm basically 50, and it has me feeling kind of fucked up but also nostalgic. Growing up as a weird kid meant that society's expectations for my future always felt like threats: a heternormative nuclear family complete with a genetically abhorrent golden doodle, and a dumb desk job where I answer to a man less competent than me. I knew in my heart that those things were simply not in the cards for me. So I spent a lot of time carving out a niche for myself in the world, even as a young kid, and it seems to have paid off. I am forever indebted to the younger versions of myself who had the nerve (and frankly the energy) to find the longest, most winding road and to follow that path wherever it takes me. One thing about me is I'll take the hard road if the easy one puts me somewhere I'm not supposed to be.

I feel I'm generally too old to be talking about my middle school experience, but I'll make an exception here. I remember a brief hallway conversation with my history teacher about the subcultural networks that existed in our school and my inaccurate label as "goth kid". Even at the time I knew I didn't listen to enough Skinny Puppy to be an actual goth, but in the context of a Long Island suburb, sure, whatever, it worked. I wasn't gunna correct a bunch of middle schoolers so they could more effectively bully me, but I definitely felt more punk-aligned: I wore a safety pin in my ear that my grandmother absolutely fucking hated (which made me keep it in longer 👼), stained the shit out of the bathtub with whatever Manic Panic colors I had decided to mix together that month, threw on an oversized t-shirt that read "NEVERMIND THE SEX PISTOLS" on a near-weekly basis, and was quickly becoming a fixture in a New York City DIY music scene. One of my binders had a big Ramones logo that I had printed out and slipped behind its plastic covering, which only got me cool points with the older teachers at my school and literally seriously no one else at all. My history teacher quipped that me and my friends were all actually just pseudogoths, which was funny at the time and is still funny nearly two decades later.


to the aging pseudogoths of the world, whoever and wherever they may be,
meat xoxo


SPOILERS:
47A (actual confection from my 16th birthday, it was very funny to go into our local grocery store and request this)
2D (nsfw)


Monday, May 18, 2026

Another themeless


Self-explanatory. Enjoy!


fullscreen solve


SPOILERS

10A

13A

25A

32A

2D

9D

35D

Thursday, May 14, 2026

Fruit Basket

Hi! It's been a very long time. I am largely unwell, as is everyone else, even though I deeply wish this wasn't the case for any of us. I'm starting off this way because it generally feels like an important thing to actively acknowledge in a world that wants to sweep everything under the rug in the name of maintaining "normalcy" and, in turn, "productivity". I believe we'll all get through it one way or another because I believe in persistence and resistance, but it felt silly to "return" in a way and not address the giant stinky elephant taking a massive shit in the room. This is my first solo blog puzzle since 2023, and the world is, in countless ways, a much different place.

I was laid off in December (need a linguist? want a puzzle? hit me up!) and have been slowly regaining some of the creative energy that tech sucked out of me. I've been trying to make more themed puzzles (and more puzzles in general), and this one popped into my head about a week ago and I wanted to give it a whirl. I also still want as much """""pop culture""""" in these as possible because art and media are reflections of the times we live in. If puzzles are meant to be cultural artifacts, then they should also contain information about art and media.


all my love,

meaty xoxo


ps - as all academics eventually do, I started a Substack. Planning on writing more once my life slows down a bit!


fullscreen solve


SPOILERS:

1A

14A

24A

27A

31A - "carmen et error"

43A

10D

18D

26D

Tuesday, October 8, 2024

I'm back! Kinda!

 hiiiiiii everyone! I've been feeling my creative juices coming back just a little bit, so don't get too excited, but I wanted to post this puzzle that I made back in July of this year for the second edition of Bridges, which is a zine put together by the Brooklyn Public Library's Justice Initiatives team, in conjunction with lovely friend of the show Kate Chin Park. These zines are distributed to incarcerated people throughout New York City and State, and it's been such an honor to contribute. The media that's accessible to incarcerated people is heavily monitored and there's even legislation about what kinds of media are/aren't available to incarcerated people. The Marshall Project provides a list of banned books in prisons by state, and I encourage you to take a look for whatever state you live in. Here is some legislation on of the kinds of media banned in New York State prisons and jails.

This is all to say - this puzzle zine is a necessary labor of love in a world that accepts imprisonment as an ethical thing to do to anyone, I'm glad it exists, and I'm hoping that there will be more editions of this zine in the future.

xoxo, meat

fullscreen solve


Thursday, August 29, 2024

You Could Have It All, My Empire of Squirt

This image isn't relevant to the puzzle really, but is an encapsulation of 2024.

Hi all! It has been a very long time since I've posted on here, but puzzles have kind of fallen to the backburner of my life because things have just been so hectic, both personally and globally. 

As such, Alex, aka Mr. Crossword Nexus, and I have been working on this puzzle for a very long time, but life continued to happen (and our first draft had a typo in it...which is par for the course when making acrostics at this point) and we finally got around to finishing this. I cannot tell you how long I had the tab with this quote in it just rotting in my Chrome window until I was like "Alex...do you want to enable this?" and he kindly agreed to once again enable me.

I asked Alex if he had anything he wanted me to put in this blog post, and he responded with this:


Additionally, many thanks to Dan of expert-speedsolving-and-owning-orange-cats fame for the test solve and for pointing out the inevitable acrostic typo.


xoxo,
meat


Monday, November 13, 2023

Seeing Red (ft. Alex Boisvert)

@my_little_gnocchi on Instagram. Bulldog behavior.

Hello!! I'm back with a collab with the puzzle wizard himself, Alex Boisvert. This cute lil' THEMED!! puzzle was originally submitted at [redacted] but honestly, I'm happier it's here because we did what we wanted to do with it.


Upon asking Alex if he had a little blurb he'd like to write up, he said, and I quote, "everyone is better off if i don't do one of these". Additionally, I asked Alex if he had any links he wanted me to post, and he sent me this. Thanks for the malware!


And, of course, a shoutout to Babka/Paprika/Dan for the test solve!


fullscreen solve



Saturday, September 23, 2023

HELLO?????


My partner visited home and took my beloved Cheeto Puff Tiger with them. They were obviously taken care of.

Hi all! I feel bad for being MIA for a bit - work (and life, frankly) has been grinding my bones to dust, and doing research for a living means I don't always have the brainspace to do all the creative things I want to. I'm hoping to get back to doing more of the things I love very soon. I also unfortunately missed my second blogaversary, so consider this as my blogaversary puzzle. Love and miss you all, and go do something nice for yourself.


xoxo, schmeat



fullscreen solve




Thursday, June 1, 2023

I'M 29!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

Hi! It's my 29th birthday! Can you believe I'm older than ever before?














Okay, thanks!


xoxo, meat


KINDA SPOILER-Y THINGS:

21A

27A

48A

22D

34D (please read this it's fucking insane)


fullscreen solve



Sunday, April 9, 2023

huh???? whuh????

##### ####### #**#!!### #**#!!!!## #****#!!!!# #****###!!!# #*****#!!!!# #*******#!!!# #******#!!!!# #*********#!###!*!*!*#!!!!!# -- #!*!*!*!*!*!#!##########!!!!# /_ ###########!##!!!!!!!!!!#!!!# //__ ###!!!!!!!!!!!#!!!!!!!!!!!!!#!!!# _\ ##!!#!!!!!!!!!!!#!!!!!!!!!!!######!!!!!!!*# \\ ##!!#!!!!!!!!!!!!#!!!!####### #!!!!!!***# ___\\#!!!###################***** #...!!*****# / \#!!!.# ***** # *** #....*******# #*....# *** # #.......*****# #**.....## ***** ##........!!****# #!........## *******#########......#...!!!!!*# #!...........#######.*****...............#.#..!!!!**# #*.....##.............#..#...............#...#.!!****# #*....#.#............#....#............##......!*****# #*.......##.......###......###........#.......!!!****# #*.........#######......!!....########.......!!!!!***# #!!!.................!!!!!!!!.............!!!*******# #!!!!............!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!******# #*******!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!***!!!!*****# #******!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!********!!****# ##*****!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#*************### ##****!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!###******#### ####!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!######!# #!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!*# #!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!***## #!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!******# #!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!*******# #!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!*****# #!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!**# #!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!## #!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!*## #!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!***# #!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!####!!!!!!****## #!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!###****##!!!!******## #!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!##**!!*****#!!!********# #!!!!!!!!#!!!!!!!!!!!#!!!!!!!#***!!!!***!!!!**********# #!!!!!!!!!!#!!!!!!!!!#!!!!!!!#****!!!!!*!!!!!!!!!!*****# #!!!!!!!!!!!#!!!!!!!#!!!!!!!#*!!***!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!***# #!!!!!!!!!!!!#!!!!!!#!!!!!!#*!!!!!*!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!*****# #!!!!!!!!!!!!#!!!!!!#!!!!!#***!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!********# #!!!!!!!!!!!!!#!!!!!!#!!!!!#****!!!!!!!!!!!!!!**********# #!!!!!!!!!!!!!#!!!!!!#!!!!!#*****!!!!!!!!!!!!!!*********# #!!!!!!!!!!!!!#!!!!!!#!!!!!#***!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!********## ##!!!!!!!!!!!!!#!!!!!!#!!!!!#*!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!*****#!*## #!#!!!!!!!!######!!!!!!#!!!!!#**!!!!!!!!!!#########!!!!*#!!**## #!#!#!!!!!!#!!!!!!!!!!!!#!!!!!#***!!!!!####******!!!#######!!**# #!#!!##!!!!#!!!!!!!!!!!############*!!!#********!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!**# #!#!!#!#!!#!!!#!!!!!!!#!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#***********!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!# #!#!!!#!#!#!!#!!!!!!!#!!!!#!!!!#!!!!!#**********!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!**# #!!#!!!#!##!!#!!!!!!#!!!!#!!!!#!!!!!!#************!!!!!!!!!!****# ######### ##########!!!!#!!!!#!!!!!!#**********!!!!!!!!!!!!***# #################*********


Editor's note: The above text will eventually be Garfield ASCII art. Please be patient with me - I will learn how the internet works.

PS - I know there are some bad dupes in this puzzle. However, as a Gemini, I encourage you all to leave some room for duality in your life.

xoxo,
schmeat


KINDA SPOILER-Y THINGS:

9A
16A
26A
28A
1D
8D
9D
22D
44D


Saturday, February 25, 2023

Language as an Object, But Make It Themeless


 


As many of you know, I'm a linguist. As many of you also know, I also live in my own head. It's noisy up here.

Before my spiel, I've included the image of what I'm lovingly calling The Language Sphincter so you can see how these different levels of linguistic analysis interact with one another, which will be relevant later on. The inner circles are the smallest units of analysis (at the sound level), and radiate outward to the largest units (at the capital D Discourse level). As you can see, none of these levels of analysis are entirely separate - they all inform and influence one another while still being discrete. For the sake of puzzles, I'm conflating orthography and phonemics, which is...close enough, A for effort, spiel for a different time.

With that being said, I've been thinking a lot recently about "crosswordese". Like, what actually is it? It's obviously not a language or a dialect (and really, where do we even draw the line between those? spiel for a different time) in the literal sense, like the "-ese" morpheme would imply. I do think we can all agree that it's something along the lines of "a set of words that we don't come across all the time, BUT are used frequently in crosswords precisely because their orthographic/phonemic patterns make them easy to slot into puzzles". But I've also come to the conclusion that "crosswordese" a very particular kind of objectification of language. (As a side note, I think any sort of classification is necessarily a project of objectification and creating markedness/difference, but, y'know, spiel for another time). I also want to say here that I mean objectification in the literal sense of "equating to/turning something into an object".

A crossword grid deals with language in a way that's almost counterintuitive to natural language in conversation or even writing. This marked material difference is even obvious in the way we capitalize fill -  say, CATS (i.e., fill) versus cats (i.e. non-fill). It reminds me a bit of the mention vs. use distinction, which is a distinction between metalanguage (i.e., talk about talk) and non-metalanguage (i.e., talk itself), respectively. Grids' "mentioning" of a word reckon with words almost solely in an orthographic/phonemic manner and almost never in a semantic one. Ultimately, so long as you've learned to detect your English vowel and consonant patterns, you can fill out a grid relatively effectively, even without any semantic cues (e.g. a downs-only solve that fills the entire grid). 

To me, sometimes, gridding (or even solving!) feels like not getting the full effect of language - engaging with a word on an orthographic/phonemic level is fundamentally not the same as engaging with it on a semantic/pragmatic level, as evidenced by The Language Sphincter. It would be obscene to say spelling a word is exactly the same as knowing what it means. I find that putting a word in a grid objectifies the word in a way - it treats the word simply as a pattern of letters, devoid of meaning-making context. Filling out a grid strips the word of its semantic/pragmatic meaning, removes it from any real context and chain of signification, and conflates the signifier with the signified. So what's the end result of that? It collapses, in a way, into a linguistic object whose sole purpose is to be an object. Grids and gridding necessarily turn words into trinket-like things that we, as solvers/constructors, tinker with until the puzzle is solved/created. To me, grids feel like kitschy junk drawers, in a way. (As a trinket lover, I mean this lovingly.)

Sometimes, this junk-drawer-ification is harmless as with words like EEL, EFT, or GNU. But what happens when words that denote culturally-specific rites/objects/people are rendered to trinkets, particularly with curt clues like "Arab leader" or "Japanese sash"? "Plains people"? What are we, as constructors, saying when we put these in grids at an orthogrpahic level and don't take the effort to flesh out the clues to provide culturally-sensitive context at a semantic level? What are we, as solvers, saying when we throw these into puzzles without fully reading the curt clues or understanding these words in a larger, cultural context? What are we actually doing when we recognize the orthotactics of a word and refuse to engage much further? My other issue here is also that the definition of "crosswordese" deals with word (in)frequency - so whose imagined vocabulary are we actually talking about here? I pose these largely as points of reflection, but I do think so much of "crosswordese" boils down to "language trivialization where white Standard English is the assumed metric". With this in mind, words like EMIR, OBI, and OTOE do not deserve to be treated solely as lexical objects that prop up the other fill in the grid.

My point is an epistemic one as much as I feel it's an ethical one: I'm personally becoming less and less concerned with "fairness" in my (blog) puzzles. So much of "fairness" in crosswords hinges on solvers being able to deduce the words in a grid based on their orthotactic patterns and rendering them as lexical objects. While this is a highly impressive skill, it doesn't engage solvers in the way I would personally like to engage people who solve my puzzles. I want you to interact. I (not that I am a Cultural Arbiter of Cultural Arbiters) don't mind if a word you've never heard is "road bump" in your solve - in this age of information, it is a learning opportunity. You can reveal the letter or the word, and you can look it up during your solve. In fact, you have my blessing to do so! The mindset of looking things up being "cheating" feels ridiculous - any kind of assumption that we all know everything all the time is not only unrealistic, but keeps us from being active, curious, cultural participants. Knowledge is a collaborative project, and I believe in your ability!

(P.S. - I'm also in no way saying I've been perfect about all of this either! However, writing this all out has really helped me get my thoughts together, which means I can be more thoughtful about all of this moving forward.)

xoxo,

schmeaty


P.P.S. - someone (I forget who!) posted about how fun it is to make a quick little diagonal grid like this. They were right! If you remember the tweet/who it was, please let me know so I can credit them.


P.P.S. - Update - it was Brooke!


fullscreen solve

Friday, December 30, 2022

ONE LAST PUZZLE for 2022 (themeless, obvs)

 


Hello! I'm not going to lie to you - 2022 has been fucked up. There were tons of bright spots but I still feel weird and I hope 2023 is better for all of us. 


Anyway, this puzzle was sitting in AmuseLabs because I didn't want to look at the grid in CrossFire anymore so I chucked it over there and forgot about it. Until now, muddafuckas!!!! No test solve because I am punishing you all with my hubris instead. Okay love you, bye!


xoxo,

schmeaty pie



KINDA SPOILER-Y THINGS:

15A

34A

42A

54A

2D

5D

9D

11D

36D


fullscreen | no .puz, sorry buds!